Darky to Darky

 

 

physical beauty is embedded in the features

Busisiwe was at the airport waiting in line to check in her luggage when she overheard a conversation between two ladies behind her talking in Zulu.

Lady 1: ooh shame look at how dark she is.
Lady 2: Which man would approach her?
Lady 1: I wonder what country she comes from. 
     
Even though she heard the conversation, she decided not to say anything and what was said hurt her immensely and I can relate to it. Skin is a part of who you are, it does not make you who you are but in this shallow world so many are judged, loved and even loathed just because of the color or shade of their skin. As a rather dark skinned South African male I am all to familiar with the way skin shade can influence the way you are treated by some people.

We spoke about this incident and my opinion was "The reality of it is that we both know that our skin colour is looked down upon, I can even go as far as saying frowned upon in SA.  At some point in our lives we were made fun of and dissed about it. In SA a lot of people are shallow when it comes to that area, they would call me all sorts of names under the sun, from Kwerekwere to charcoal to Prince of darkness and because of that mind set we become outcasts. Whether we admit it or not it does get to us and affects us. Coming to this country (UK) we found acceptance and people love our skin colour but when we go back to our people we still feel the stigma because they still have that mentality. Now that Ive grown up and see things in a different light, I love my colour and I'm very comfortable in it (well atleast now I am), I wouldn't want it any lighter or any darker. 

So next time someone passes a demeaning comment about your skin colour bear in mind that maybe there is a good person inside there somewhere but the stereotype of dark skin being a bad thing rages within their mind. Also always remember that physical beauty is embedded in the features of a person not in the shade of their skin."

Ubuntu

 

Ubuntu 

 

 Ubuntu is a humanistic Philosophy focusing on people's allegiances and relations with each other. It is a process for earning respect by first giving it, and to gain empowerment by empowering others. It encourages people to applaud rather than resent those who succeed. It disapproves of anti-social, disgraceful, inhuman and criminal behaviour, and encourages social justice for all.


My perception of ubuntu originates in South Africa where I was born and raised in the Zulu way where we believe your neighbor's child is your own, his/her success is your success too and this is the same concept throughout Southern Africa. With the modernisation of society and the fast pace at which our world is changing we have lost our way, we talk more than we listen and we want to take more than we want to give. In order to eradicate suffering, evil and greed we need to stop feeding each other the nonsense of capitalist and socialist definitions, open our eyes and minds and let our hearts breathe a little so we can feel more than we think. 

In my view part of the problem originates form the fact that countries are run like businesses and with the same competitive and survival of the fittest mentality and that trickles down to all aspects of our lives. I want to change peoples mentality for the better. I think it would be better if countries were to be run like well disciplined households (family) because until people start feeling that they are equal or for that matter feel like they are treated equal, we can just forget about ever having comfort, good, benevolence and a loved filled world.

This system of programming people to think that success means you have to achieve beyond or be better than others is poor folly and it is destructive. Many a great thinkers have grasped this concept of ubuntu and embraced it even Dr Martin Luther King once said "All I'm saying is simply this: that all mankind is tied together; all life is interrelated, and we are all caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. " We have lost our way, greed has poisoned us, hate has become a norm and we have even forgotten what the word HELP means, nowadays the word help is associated with laziness and being useless. 

We need to restore our values and remember what it means to be a human, as they say in Malawi "when you are on your own you are as good as an animal of the wild; when there are two of you, you form a community." In this modern age the spirit of ubuntu/humanity seems to have become a forgotten virtue, we need to bring it back.

Love practically 2

Love practically 2

A lot of people run into a relationship without considering the essential factors upon which a relationship is built. 

They only believe in what they are seeing but not knowing that the unseen factor is the only foundation for others. 

They go into a relationship simply because their peers are doing it, the opposite sex is pretty or good looking or his or her pocket is full.

They don't care about love, they lust for beauty and money, money answers all things? Sorry,money can not provide you all things!  

If one loves because of beauty, when the beauty fades what will happen? If it's for money, what happens when the rich becomes poor?

Begin by simply being friends with the person you are seeking a relationship with. 

Tell each other everything, never cheat, be spontaneous, spend time together, tell your partner how much you love them, make the commitment. 

Love practically

  Love practically

I feel people are ready to be in love when they are 

focused on cleaning up their act

 because they are (almost) done satisfying their basic

 material desire

Finding love happens best when two

 people are emotionally ready to be selfless when the

 relationship demands it. 

Finding love is all about

 the ability to communicate. Communication in this case

 is not just listening and talking but using the pleasures and 

pains of past relationships as the aliment for understanding

 the other person. 

Your past hurts put you in 

a better position to be able to relate to the feelings of betrayal, 

loss of trust and loss of hope. 

Its a process that makes you become more

 cautious not to inflict the same damage to the present relationship.

Virtues of Character

 

Virtues of Character

Possessing positive character traits is essential in developing positive relationships with all people. Those who are able to demonstrate the essential virtues of character in their relationships with others have the best opportunity at being successful as people and happy in their relationships. Plato and Aristotl were of the conviction that ethics is fundamentally related to what kind of persons we are and here are the core values commonly used to define one's character.

Trustworthiness: Ethical people are worthy of trust and trustworthiness means being honest, having integrity, keeping your promises, and being loyal.

Respect: We must respect ourselves and remember that every person has the right to our respect.

Responsibility: We must be accountable for our own actions, practice self-restraint, and always do our best.

Justice and Fairness: Fairness is one of the most difficult values, because sometimes it means doing the right thing even if others don't agree. We must try to do what we know is fair and just.

Caring: Caring is concern for the interests of others.

Civic Virtue and Citizenship: Responsible citizenship means being involved in public service. This includes voting, reporting crimes, testifying as a witness, protecting the environment, and working for the candidate of our choice.

The virtues and vices that comprise one’s moral character are typically understood as dispositions to behave in certain ways in certain sorts of circumstances. For instance, an honest person is disposed to telling the truth when asked. These dispositions are typically understood as relatively stable and long-term. Further, they are also typically understood to be robust, that is, consistent across a wide-spectrum of conditions. We are unlikely, for example, to think that an individual who tells the truth to her friends but consistently lies to her parents and teachers possesses the virtue of honesty.

  

In the words of Jim Rohn "Character isn't something you were born with and can't change, like your fingerprints. It's something you weren't born with and must take responsibility for forming."

State of Euphoria

Laughter is a great thing and we've all heard the saying, "Laughter is the best medicine" so I believe

if you are too busy to laugh, then you are too busy.

 

 

 I came across this a while ago not only did it make me laugh but it stuck with me because it describes things in the exact way that I see them "When I was a kid in school, my teacher told me to write down what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down happy, she told me I didn't understand the assignment, l laughed and told her she didn't understand life." I wish I was that wise from an earlier age, but hey! atleast I got there because In my quest of finding my inner-winner I found that the only way to truly win is to be content and only then can you start the journey to true happiness.

As the years have gone by I came to the realization that the happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything and the best feeling in the world is realizing that you're perfectly happy without the things you thought you needed. There are countless indicators of what you should achieve/feel like once you have reached happiness and for me the most important has to be the one I find most contagious of them all; laughter. Laughter is the physiological respo­nse to humor and it consists of two parts, a set of gestures and the production of a sound. When we laugh, the brain pressures us to conduct both those activities simultaneously. Many researchers believe that the purpose of laughter is related to making and strengthening human connections. "Laughter occurs when people are comfortable with one another, when they feel open and free, therefore the more laughter there is, the more bonding occurs within the group." So if you bring more laughter into your life, you can most likely help others around you to laugh more, and realize these benefits as well. By elevating the mood of those around you, you can reduce their stress levels, and perhaps improve the quality of social interaction you experience with them, which in turn reduces your stress level even more!

Surround yourself with funny people

 Laughter is a great thing and we've all heard the saying, "Laughter is the best medicine", this is an experience that we should have at the center of our lives, that is why I believe that if you are too busy to laugh then you are too busy, slow down and enjoy a bit. Marrianne Williamson stated "As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." Well I say "As we let our smiles burst into laughter, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same" Figure out what makes you laugh and do it/ read it/ watch it more often. Surround yourself with funny people, be with them every chance you get. Be funny every chance you get just as long as it's not at someone els'es expense!

Doormats

Doormats

They say being a nice person pays off in the long run. I don’t like being mean, it’s not who I am, plus I don’t do well with enemies. I can’t stand it when someone doesn't like me, especially if it is for no reason. If you don’t like me for no reason, I wanna know why. People are always like “haters are gonna hate”, I can’t stand that. 

I just wonder sometimes why the same people that you value dearly are the ones that desire to hurt you. Is there such a thing as being too nice? Am I a fool for not seeing that even those who are close to me have ulterior motives and bad intentions? I’m not someone’s doormat and I’m tired of being treated like one, I may be nice but there are limitations to how nice someone should be and I see that now. I feel like I try so hard to please everyone, so hard to make others happy, that my happiness is put second. I have always come second and I've always been proud of how selfless I am and I refuse to join the other side, maybe I should? But that would be a contradiction to my belief that nobody deserves to be treated in a rude manner by anyone. 

Sometimes I get so angry, I just want to hurt those who hurt me in the same way they hurt me. I just wanna screw them over so bad, that they can see what I go through. I want them to realize what I put up with and how I’m still here after all the heart ache, disappointment and struggle. But I find it very hard to  to do such a thing, I am just not cutthroat enough. I was brought up to treat others how you want to be treated, If I’m always there for you I expect you to be the same for me and the notion of being too nice has left me with two essential but nerve wrecking questions. Am I relevant to the people that are relevant to me? Do the people who I care for care for me?