Doormats

Doormats

They say being a nice person pays off in the long run. I don’t like being mean, it’s not who I am, plus I don’t do well with enemies. I can’t stand it when someone doesn't like me, especially if it is for no reason. If you don’t like me for no reason, I wanna know why. People are always like “haters are gonna hate”, I can’t stand that. 

I just wonder sometimes why the same people that you value dearly are the ones that desire to hurt you. Is there such a thing as being too nice? Am I a fool for not seeing that even those who are close to me have ulterior motives and bad intentions? I’m not someone’s doormat and I’m tired of being treated like one, I may be nice but there are limitations to how nice someone should be and I see that now. I feel like I try so hard to please everyone, so hard to make others happy, that my happiness is put second. I have always come second and I've always been proud of how selfless I am and I refuse to join the other side, maybe I should? But that would be a contradiction to my belief that nobody deserves to be treated in a rude manner by anyone. 

Sometimes I get so angry, I just want to hurt those who hurt me in the same way they hurt me. I just wanna screw them over so bad, that they can see what I go through. I want them to realize what I put up with and how I’m still here after all the heart ache, disappointment and struggle. But I find it very hard to  to do such a thing, I am just not cutthroat enough. I was brought up to treat others how you want to be treated, If I’m always there for you I expect you to be the same for me and the notion of being too nice has left me with two essential but nerve wrecking questions. Am I relevant to the people that are relevant to me? Do the people who I care for care for me?