Emotional Aftermath

Last night I had a lengthy and difficult conversation with an innocent young woman who feels betrayed, violated, buffeted and sacrilege because a man decided to steal something from her, something of sacred character. 


"It has taken me a long time to convince myself to tell someone my story. I am doing this because I believe I will help someone who has gone through things similar to me know that it is not their fault. I was raped by a stranger late at night after a girly night out. I have no recollection of the actual rape, but I woke up naked in a bed I did not know, with a frictional pain in between my legs. It has been a few months but huge chunks of the experience still linger and cloud my mind. Lately, I have been feeling very powerless, unable to motivate myself to do the necessary things in my life. I am set to begin a new job in a month but I am plagued by feelings of inadequacy. I don't know if this has any connection to the rape, but I don't ever remember being this anxious. I didn't report it out of guilt, shame, fear, and a reasonable supposition that I wouldn't be believed. Apart from the fear of not being believed, I was and am still scared that my boyfriend would have such a hard time accepting and relating to me, especially when I am just having one of those days. I know that he is the master of trying to solve difficult situations and looking on the bright side, but now that I have told him I am terrified that I might loose him."


Bianca is a survivor and her recovery, if you could call it that, is an ongoing struggle, there will never be a day that she does not wish that this had not happened to her, but it is in the past now and she cannot change it. She can only deal with the present and future days of her life, so from here on out, she vows to live her life and will not let that pervert ruin her life or happiness. Telling someone that you have been raped or sexually abused can be tremendously hard but it is really important that you tell someone so you can get some support. Pick someone that you trust and feel comfortable with, tell them in a place where you feel safe and in control. Only tell them as much as you want to and at your own pace. If the person you tell reacts badly, it's not you fault. Don't be discouraged, be proud that you've got the strength to tell someone and keep being strong.

My Love

"I am 
an individual 
born from love, 
brought up with love 
and I live in 
love"

I wish I could let you in, make you a part of me, 

open up the doors for you so you could be a part of who I am 

I have tried to get to know you, I wanted to be close to you, if it were up to me I would have given you every part of me and shared with you my inner most feelings

Time plays a part in this game called life, there is a time for everything under the sun yet time waits for no-one, its up to us to make things happen as time is not ours nor do we have an expiry date, all we can do is use the time given to us

and make the most of it

You want to know what's on my mind, to get to know the type of person that I am, I am an individual born from love brought up with love and I live in love I am different, cannot be defined and I am open to a world of possibilities

Can you make time to get your questions answered?

Can you give time towards getting to know a friend better? Would you take time out to look into my eyes so you can see through to my soul? maybe hold me close to your heart so you could hear the rhythm of my heart beating? How can I let you into my thoughts when time is against us, time well spent together can be a revelation

Time apart can lead love astray and they say only true love can stand the test of time, love takes time, time is love and I love you enough to give you my time

every moment spent with you is worth a lifetime of wealth.

Older men and Much Younger girls

A lot of men through negligence and selfishness have unknowingly destroyed our generation into a deep dysfunction. From the time they start to solicit girls young enough to be their daughters, granddaughters and even great granddaughters, instead of being mentors and role models all respect and morals are being lost. On a bus to West London, Olivia is telling me a story, she has asked me to come along with her for an appointment.

“My life was of pure innocence, I was young beautiful and confident. I kept great company and life couldn’t have been any better. As I was growing older and started meeting new people and making new friends with other girls who were just around my age; my life started to change. They seemed to have already experienced "life" more than I had, at the time I thought they were cool and compared to them my life seemed dull and behind on everything. They knew various alcoholic beverages, popular music, the latest parties, designer clothing, accessories, mobile phones and the latest gossip. Going out with my new friends I noticed that we were getting a lot of attention from older men, it started from the simple “You are beautiful” and “All I want to see is a smile on your face.” It then went to offers of getting my phone topped up by some random older men who I didn't care about; it quickly progressed to other gifts such as mobile phones, shopping sprees, to expensive weaves all in the effort of trying to get in my pants. I thought to myself "never". A female friend said “you should make him happy so that you can keep him, because if you don’t someone else will take him.” I thought about it and I didn’t want to lose out on the finer things, being naive I followed my friends advice and made this old guy “happy”, not knowing that I was letting him steal my innocence from me. During our sexual encounters all I could think of was “I hope it will be worth it” and our arrangement was very convenient for me because I was not confined to a full relationship, we only met when it was time for “business.” After a while I started believing that I was invincible, I could get my way with any man and believe me I had them eating out the palm of my hand. I had gotten used to the lifestyle when I realised that I was not the only one making these rich men “happy”, they were using me as much as I thought I was using them. I was so caught up in the hype of older men that I ended up going for even the broke ones with the hope that they didn’t have the same ego’s and disgusting behaviour as the rich older men but I was wrong. During our sexual encounters these men became more and more selfish, manipulative, persistent and sometimes even forceful, but I still tried to trick my mind into thinking it would be worth it. That lifestyle is extremely addictive and I had hit rock bottom before I realised that even the broke ones were also users just like the rich ones. This was the turning point for me, I had become empty inside and felt forsaken, I came to the realisation that my constant hunt for material possessions had evolved to a quest for love and affection and I was being led astray. My only way out and forward was to start loving myself enough to be able to find "self-love" and "appreciation" within my own heart. These older guys prey on us young girls for many reasons, but mainly because they see us as easy to manipulate, we are still fresh meat and we are easily enticed with material items.”

After talking with Olivia, I have come to the conclusion that young women go for older men because the "relationship" or should I rather say "arrangement" comes with benefits. Let’s be honest, the majority of humans look at dating in the same way they look at a P&L (Profit and Loss) sheet. What will I get out of it? Is it a good deal for me? Some call it the “Sugar Daddy Syndrome”, others call it the “Father was never around” complex, but a lot of people seem to have no problem with it, while many find it sick and perverted. Regardless of personal views, young women dating older men has become a worldwide phenomenon that is gaining popularity and acceptance at an astonishing rate. “Sugar Daddy Syndrome” has had a devastating effect on the spread of STI’s among young women in my age group, which is between the ages of 15 and 24. This phenomenon helps to explain why women in this age group are 4-5 times more likely than their male peers to be HIV-positive.

On a bus back to South London, Olivia tells me more about the effects that her experiences with these older men have had on her and how some of the memories still haunt her. If this is the first time you are hearing about this Sugar Daddy dilemma, I hope it is an eye opening experience for you as it was for me. Olivia made a strong subconscious confession of being easily influenced and is now paying a hefty price as a consequence for her choices. 

NOW TELL ME WHO MADE YOU?????

Don't ever forget where you come from, for there your foundations lie and foundations are the beginings of good intentions.

Self made
An impossible statement through my eyes, since life forces us to live off each other, learn from each other and grow from our expiriences.

Self made
look at the way nature behaves, we should emulate it. For instance a tree never forgets its roots, for they are the providers and transporters of its nourishment, contributors to its well being and the foundation to its greatness

Self made
Here is how I define it.
A statement of selfishness, for not recognising the inputs of others because its their hard labour that got you to the top.
A statement of cruelty, for using others at any cost to achieve what you want, as their burdons forced them to slave
A statement of arrogance, for being narrow minded
A statement of sadness, for having self pity

Self made
Here is a thought
Their hunger is the driving force that made you that fortune
Their hard labour is the reason you got that house on the golf course
Their Burdons dont allow them to rest so that you can wear a rolex
Their sweat is the reason why your kids dont have to sleep on an empty stomach

Self made
What is the meaning of help?
What is the meaning of support?
What is the meaning of self?
What is the meaning of made?

Self made
Give me a break!!!!

Self made
Is it some form of memory loss?

NOW TELL ME WHO MADE YOU????? 

Nubian Beauty

Mpho wearing a rolled up long sleeve T-shirt, assortment of South African 

bangles, discreet stud earrings and a trangus piercing.

When I look at Mpho all I can say is "curvaceous derriere", "eyes", "full lips", "hips" and wow "Black is beautiful", which makes me wonder; why is there marginalisation of black women in the fashion and beauty industry and a general lack of appreciation of black women’s beauty in wider society? 

Mpho's haircut reminds me of super model Alek Wek who emerged on the international fashion stage in 1995, the industry beheld her Hershey complexion and short, kinky hair and pronounced her ugly, so in the words of Mpho herself.

“I remember when I finally 'found' the courage, somewhere inside of me to shave off my hair. I say finally because it had been on my mind for quite some time, but truthfully speaking I was bricking it. I had mixed emotions and I know some people probably think "It’s only hair, it grows back it’s not a big deal", but oh trust me this was huge to me. Going to a predominantly 'black college' in London meant that there was competition amongst myself and the rest of the girls. I had to look the best, and my hair always had to be on point too. Whenever I took out my weave, I wouldn’t be caught “DEAD” leaving my house or being seen with my natural hair, I just never felt like I was “ME”. I wouldn’t feel better, until I had returned to Peckham for my new identity. My dad hates weave with a passion, and would often comment about how 'lost and brainwashed' I was, my mum having dreadlocks didn’t help the situation. I think the turning point was when I visited South Africa last year and saw so many beautiful girls with shaved heads, walking around proudly and through that experience I vowed that when I got back to London I would do the same, but I didn’t. Some time had gone by and it wasn’t until for one of my assignments in college I was required to produce a documentary and instantly I knew what my topic would be about. I had recently seen Chris Rocks documentary 'Good Hair' and singer/presenter Jamelia's documentary 'Whose Hair Is It Anyway' on TV. I decided I would go out to the “capitals” of weave and extensions Peckham, Brixton, Streatham etc. Armed with my DV camera, I went around and asked people of all ages, ethnic groups and genders on their opinions on why women, especially of black descent had abandoned their natural hair and were now running towards weaves and wigs, were they ashamed of their Natural beauty?  Was society, the media, and women we saw on music videos and television to blame? The answers I got were more surprising than anything.

I started to question myself, and looked up to black powerful women such as Erykah Badu, India Arie, Chrissette Michelle and Solange Knowles; to name a few, if they could uphold their beauty whilst sporting their natural hair, why couldn’t I?. Having a weave was just “STRESS”, I was spending money I didn’t have, for something when I come to think of, didn’t particularly want. I just thought about the pain of having to rip glue from my scalp when it was time to remove the weave, strands of my hair ripped out with it, a receding hairline at such a tender age. Overall I thought of the freedom I would have without all that “FAKE” hair, shedding it everywhere I went. With an extra push from my friends, on June 2^nd 2011 (yes I remember the date lol), I was sitting opposite a mirror in “Top Barbers”, and watched as clippers buzzed through my scalp. Some reactions were harsh and negative, but I didn’t have a care in the world, I did this for myself and no one else and anyone out there who has anything bad to say, all I can say to you is I didn’t care about your opinion then and I don’t care now. I don’t need you attention or co-signatory, I “LOVE” my new look and I refuse to conform to what society claims beauty to be.”

Amidst the struggles with mainstream social obstacles Mpho revels in her natural beauty, which adversity may shun, but would never ever be able to take it away from her. It is only fitting that I use the words of Maya Angelou in her poem "Still I Rise".

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I’ll rise. 

To finish off I must say, Mpho and her picture provide us with a more wholesome view of black beauty and also proof that no matter what the mainstream fashion/beauty industry feeds us, women do not have to portray overly seductive “Jezebels” in order to be considered beautiful.

Destiny

DESTINY

The Idea made me curious

The visual from afar; optimistic

Your voice a breathe taker

Every thought drove me crazy

The sight of you triggered an

Uncontrollable internal excitement 

A shock wave of desire, sending

A vibration through my whole body

Your touch; an inspiration to explore

A diverse, eye catching anatomy of

Broad, light, dark and hazel browns

Complemented by a soothing silky voice

A vision and feeling of yourself through my eyes

Would rid you of your complexes, 

Of your definition of impurities and ideals,

Broadening your spectrum of unique beauty

You are the last piece of the puzzle 

A completion to my dream 

A life long dream

Or should I say; My Destiny.

"Shinning in the dark"

Stylez-J a full time resident DJ at Bar Rumba in Shaftsbury Avenue, also plays at multiple events across the UK, the most recent big event he played at being the UK model awards which were held at Studio Valborne and some of his work such as mixtapes and remixes are global sensations.

                 (Wearing a purple UCLA top, mustard chino’s and a black and yellow Pittsburgh Snap back.)

His Deejaying influence comes from Serious and Sabre; former Kiss 100 DJ’s , they played and still play a major part in everything he does and pretty much taught him everything knows. In the future he hopes to carry on doing what he loves best, which is making music and should his path take him elsewhere he'll be happy to explore new ventures.

                                                






I've been
working so
hard man! 
With God 
watching my 
back I'm 
invincible right 
now!






(Wearing a white vest and a black Yankees snap back.)

Stylez-J has always wanted professional pictures done, but does not want to look like a model, so he had these pictures taken for social, media and marketing purposes.

                            




At one point when every promoter was airing me nicely!
I almost gave it all up, but something told me to stick
it through. 









(A close up wearing Raybans, white vest, wooly hat and the Yankees snap back hat.)

He shops in vintage shops in and around London, likes a lot of different styles mainly slim fitting clothes like skinny Jeans and regular fit, but never baggy at all. He does not really follow the typical urban Hip Hop dress code, but prefer's to look different so if people dress in one way he dresses the other way. "Im the type of person you’ll single out in a club because I never blend in with the crowd lol."

 (Wearing a white vest, woolly hat, raybans, black Yankees snap back hat, chinos and black vans.)

"I am a Rose growing through the concrete, I DO IT!"